i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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