i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
