You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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