Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
