He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
