I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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