Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize