you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
