three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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