Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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