smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
