You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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