Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
