The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
