somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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