i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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