maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
