I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
