i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
