I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
