This girl is more easily done than said...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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