the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
