He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
