you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
