my phone needs a breathalizer
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
