margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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