She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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