that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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