Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
