I just made out with a guy for $7.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize