I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize