I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
