i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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