Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
