I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
