I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
