He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
