I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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