i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
