I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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