I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
