Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize