I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
