put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
