Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
