She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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