he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
whose parrot is this?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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