Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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