This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
