when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
