so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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