I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
