i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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