well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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