I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
