i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
