Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
