chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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