I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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