lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
