She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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