I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
