Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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