i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
