I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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