my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
