there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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