Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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