The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
