remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it because I queefed?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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