Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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