actually, I'm a sock model
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The uberlube is also flammable
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
