I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
