This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
