she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
