Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
