Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
