Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize