God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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